thefailure344

I can say with some happiness that school is almost out.
There are some pros and cons with that, however.

PROS
-More time on hand to do stuff like exercise or sleep
-Ability to get a job
-Free time
-Peace and quiet
-Some time to beat my fucking depression

CONS
-Less things to keep me busy.
-Summer reading (3 books cause im going into AP English)
-My mom will be on my ass for a bunch of shit

So yeah....that's bout it

Miracles never happen overnight
Even with ana

True fasting begins with restriction
Then leads to absolute starvation

I realized I need a platform to start on
Or else i'll fall flat on my face

Same with binging
Same with fasting

I've fallen on my face
And went to 190lbs again.

I'll make sure that doesn't happen
by eating as little calories as possible
And exerciseing insanely

(And my life is cold....Like a late November rain....)

I've become so fat that nobody on the Anorexic Queen will message me.

What a failure I am.
There are anorexic guys out there doing better than me.
I'll never compare to them unless I fast for 40 days.

I hate my own body so much that I'll die before I eat again.
Food is my enemy.
Food is shit.
Food killed me once
It's killing me again

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Repeat Chorus]

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

[Repeat Chorus]

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

I've been worrying way to much about my weight.
I havent really focused on school. Ive got all A's, but I wanna be focused on school.

I'm sorry if I won't be on within the next few days. I've got 2 tests tomorrow and I haven't studied for either.

Maybe I'll use this as an excuse to eat...Not a bad idea! :) :) :)

Anyways, take care everyone! :)

I'm having a hard time fasting until March 4th.
The reason...I'm depressed.

I thought that people with depression ate less...guess i was wrong.
I ate over 2000 CALORIES TODAY! HOLY SHIT~!!!!

The reasons why im depressed are
1) I miss my ex-girlfriend
2) My older sister's a bitch
3) My mom's a bitch
4) I weigh176 lbs (SHIT!!!)
5) Some girl wants to foreplay sex with me all the fucking time (and she's 14! HOLY SHIT~!!!!)
6) My urine isn't dark brown (an indication that i'm doing pretty good with fasting)

 I don't know what to do anymore...
If I eat another bite or feel fed BEFORE March 4th, I may do something regretable to myself.